If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
