Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
