I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You left your phone here
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