not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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