Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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