I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
