he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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