Sponge bath it is.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
