every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
