Can i not drive my cunt home
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
