You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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