If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
