Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
