some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
