i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
