My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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