Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
