Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
