Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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