pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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