How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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