Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
don't judge my taste in strippers
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
