Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+49): View more from Germany

They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

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(914): View more from New York

Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?

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(817): View more from Texas

I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.

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(561): View more from Florida

Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?

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(562): View more from California

You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..

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(619): View more from California

Maybe he injected his testicle?

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(775): View more from Nevada

I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....

(713): View more from Texas

You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.

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