That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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