we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
