He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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