You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
