I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
