I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
