I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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