God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
