Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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