Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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