I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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