I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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