Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
