this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
