What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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