if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
