im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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