you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Boobs are out for the taking
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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