like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
