a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
