The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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