just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got inside last night via doggy door
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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