i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
