4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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