you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm like, not good at living.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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