He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
