Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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