I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So squirting runs in the family.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
