I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
