if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
