A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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