i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
