i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
